Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
