So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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