Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
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I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
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I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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