yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
