haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thus making me awesome and them whores
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
