Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
