ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
