and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
