i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
