Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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