The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
