sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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