i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
