So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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