Your face is a jimmy john
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
