I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
