She is in my trunk
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
