I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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