She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
