I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
