I puked a lego.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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