Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
