I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
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Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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