One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
