I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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