I cut my penus on the lid.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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