btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
