I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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