you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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