I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
