I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
