its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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