oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
