wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
