There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
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