i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
