He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
