Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The police scanner is talking about you again....
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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