She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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