It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
