Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
