To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
false alarm, still single
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