So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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