I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
