Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
