how hairy? two words: wookie tits
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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