Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
