you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
