just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
