I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
