mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
