Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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