Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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