it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
