I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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