dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
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I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
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I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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